Remembering is a funny word. It obviously has to do with memory, but I imagine that it is the opposite of dismemberment. I remember I had a series of nightmares, false awakenings, in which I would be endlessly chased by a monster that dismembered my family. Eventually, after what felt like months of these nightmares, it caught me. It was a green skinned reptilian. It roasted me alive on the firepit near my house on Lake Superior.
I’d have many dreams based on that beach, I still have dreams like that. The sky is crystalline. The dreams feel potent. Alive. Electric. I’ve had series of tidal wave nightmares, fire storm nightmares, serial killer nightmares, and I suppose, the worst of all, must of have been the alien nightmares. But I’ll never really know because they wiped my mind, or maybe the men in black did that.
I once did a hypnotic regression to understand the dream where the green reptilian ate me alive. I walked straight into fully alive, fully formed, imaginal spaces that felt as real as any memory or dream I’ve had. The entity revealed itself to be a space alien working with covert elements of the military in a remote viewing capacity associated with the deep underground based beneath the KI-Sawyer Air Force Base.
I am now remembering the D-SETI message, my vocation, once again. This new website is a process of remembering my inquiry and the writing it has produced. The remembering resolves my ethical crisis about the risk of false memory in NHI/UAP research. As a result, I’ve taken a step back to review the last 5 (and 25 years) of D-SETI practice, seeing what worked, what didn’t, and how to take my next steps, or if I should leave the inquiry behind altogether.
Four events in 2026 resolve my ethical crisis, enabling this remembering
The last few years have been particularly challenging for me as I explore the risk of harmful false memories in alien abduction and NHI/UAP encounter research. I froze in many ways because I intuited that many of the assumptions of the UAP Disclosure movement, initiated by the 2017 New York Times article by Kean and Blumenthal on Robert Bigelow’s UAP study (see UAP Crash Narratives as Iteration of 1990s Alien Abduction Research Conspiracy).
When I tracked many of the claims and assumptions about NHI encounters, their credibility was based on appeal to authority arguments to John E. Mack’s psychiatric credentials, which were borrowed by Bigelow to introduce the Alien Abduction hypothesis defined by Budd Hopkins. Quite literally, all of the surveys of experiencers that came close to peer review (Bigelow’s Unusual Personal Events survey, FREE’s Beyond UFOs survey, and Esbjorn-Hargen’s SEGRI/WISER survey; see Learnings from the Dialectical Tradition of Large NHI-Experiencer Surveys) clearly suffer from biases related to dream-reality confusion characteristic of John E. Mack.
When I raised my concerns to those around me in online spaced related to my PhD program and NHI/UAP disclosure, my concerns were not met (see Risks of Anomalous Retrocognition. The Experiencer Group, named by Blumenthal in his Debrief article as standing in Mack’s legacy and endorsed by my program director Sean Esbjorn-Hargens, kicked me out. When I asked CIHS (see Grievance Definition Regarding Risk of False Memory to Human Subjects in UAP Studies and Experiencer Research at CIHS, my PhD school, for help resolving this crisis, they refused (see Outcome Letter to D. Rekshan 3_28_25.pdf).
The fact that my concerns were not met ate me up, like the reptilian so many years ago. I froze. I’m thawing. I’d like to say that I have grown as a person, but actually, the world validated my ethical intuitions quite strongly in the last few months. I felt like perhaps I was wrong in my ethical concern, after all, everyone in the field praised the very people I was concerned with. Four events helped me move on.
1 - Justice.gov Epstein files reveal infiltration in Noetic Science via Jeffery A. Martin
First, the Epstein files reveals that CIHS, my former PhD research institute, and the wider field of Noetic Science was infiltrated by the Epstein network. The early 2026 Epstein file release contains messages between Epstein, Jeffrey A. Martin, Deepak Chopra, Gino Yu, and Dean Radin that suggest to me a conspiracy regarding psychic eugenics, but it is impossible to tell. Some people are highly implicated, like Martin or Chopra, who both acknowledge pedophilia associated with Epstein and indicate they want his “girls”. Radin, on the other hand, has no incriminating messages in the files, but seems suspicious, particularly given Yu’s 2018 message “Got Radin on board”.
At this time, I am uninterested in investigating this conspiracy, but I am interested in elevating experiencer research up and out of this quagmire. While it now seems plausible to me that the legacy Epstein network may have been interested in Esjborn-Hargen’s WISER survey as a catalog of potential victims, I still actually believe in Esbjorn-Hargen’s work and the motivation of the survey.
The revelation, for me, explains why CIHS and Esjborn-Hargens were unable to respond to my ethical inquires: they were bought and bound by the Epstein network. While I cannot prove it, nor do I want to, I find appointment of Chopra and Martin around the time of CIHS’s accreditation to suggest to me that the Epstein network had an interest in research conducted at CIHS. I asked Martin for documentation that CIHS’s IRB had seriously considered the risk of harmful false memories to human subjects and he didn’t. I raised a grievance asking for clarity and no one responded with anything besides professional avoidance.
2 - Chris Bledsoe’s Easter prophecies continues pattern of AI-enhanced buffoonery
Second, we moved through the prophesied Iran war and Easter events without an apparent sighting by The Lady or whatever Bledsoe prophesied. Bledsoe is the most famous ET experiencer associated with UAP Disclosure narratives because of the intelligence community’s public interest in his case. While he has reports that feel authentic and his regression feels much like any other, he continues to post known objects as UAP, despite public correction, which constitutes potential fraud in my opinion.
Bledsoe’s case weaves with my life by way of my first missing time client, Dan Berg, who Bledsoe wrote about in the conclusion of UFO of God. I investigated their sighting, which Dan said was a satellite, but Bledsoe said was the UFO of God. So did Dave Palanchik, Rob Freeman, and others who were at the event. Presumably, Semivan and Alexander fact checked some of Bledsoe’s story, as they has assigned scientists to study Bledsoe and there was at least theatre of “government science” at that event.
Bledsoe was also a primary case study and advisor to the SEGRI/WISER survey project that was a central activity of the Integral Noetic Science department in my last actively enrolled quarter. I had an expert in space surveillance, Dr. Michael Earl, identify the sighting, which he did as Intelsat 29E (probably, see: Blesdoe’s UFO of God is Likely Intelsat 29E). I let Esjborn-Hargens know because he was at the event and he was the director of the WISER survey. In my opinion, as academic researchers, we needed to consider the possibility that Bledsoe was lying, deluded, conducting a hoax, or victim of psy-op.
None of the faculty or staff at CIHS that I discussed this issue with saw it as a major concern. So now, either I’m crazy or they are. It is a big deal. Integral studies should integrate skeptical and credulous perspectives. CIHS did not deliver their promises and ignored my concerns.
I reviewed Bledsoe’s material quite deeply, once going through every single social post on Instagram for a year or so. I read his book, his regression transcript, and listen to his son’s podcast. Despite the obvious misidentifications and cult-like activity, I still believe in Bledsoe and his Lady. I want there to be a supernatural manifestation of the divine feminine that leads all the men-in-black to be something else.
It is clear to me that this behavior is either compulsive or intentional, but it is something like fraud, hoaxing, delusion, or victim of psy-op. Am I qualified to say so? No, I’m not. But you know who is? The advisory board of WISER or the IRB of CIHS.
3 - Jay Christopher King, founder of The Experiencer Group, was canceled for pattern of unsolicited d*ck picks to abductees
The fact that Jay Christopher King sent unsolicited photos to experiencers seeking support was the final event in this cascade of revelations that enable me to remember myself after this crisis. I think of Jay King as the “king of abductees” because he was written about by Blumenthal as a modern day abductee and as the founder of The Experiencer Group. Jay was a media producer, turned experiencer advocate and community organizer.
It is hard to define what supporting alien abductees and NHI contact experiencers actually means. To skeptics, it might mean institutionalization and meds, although surveys suggest experiencers are not particularly pathological. To some credulous researchers like John E. Mack, it meant hypnotizing you to believe that your sexual sleep paralysis nightmares are evidence of alien abduction.
Jay was central to The Experiencer Group and the Inquire Anomalous conference series, along with Stuart Davis. Both were friends with Sean Esbjorn-Hargens, my PhD program director. In my opinion, their friend an intellectual culture that stood in the legacy of John E. Mack, as blessed and endorsed by Blumenthal and Kean. They were my best hope for a revival of serious research into ET/NHI encounters, taken seriously by the mainstream. In other words, I expected them to write the literature that would define experiencer support in a post-disclosure world, so I join Sean’s PhD.
Therefore, as one of the first people in Sean’s Anomalous Studies concentration, I knew that I needed to integrate skeptical and credulous perspectives. I read about false memory dynamics and the controversies of alien abduction research. I observed the tendency of this clique to cite the authority of John E. Mack in asserting the reality, at some level, of these experiences. My crisis started when I went back to the books and questioned the archives about Mack’s actual credentials by which everyone says these ET/NHI experiences are not dreams or fantasys.
It turns out, there’s a complicated history that must actually be addressed before we continue our academic work. There was an inquiry of Mack at Harvard, but it was inconclusive. There is really no good literature on which to base support policies for experiencers. The best way is to treat everything like a spiritual practice and assume that ET/NHIs are like angels. Academically, there is some level of narrative detachment, focusing the studies only on the qualitative analysis of reports that stop short of making substantial claims about the world. In other words, no one will say if Bledsoe is deluded or hoaxing. No one will say if its is wise for media professionals oversee abductee support groups endorsed by friend-academics who don’t quote false memory research.
Anyways, I wrote Secret Lurid History of Alien Abduction and Alien Abduction Believer Syndrome then published them on Youtube and my blog, then was kicked out of The Experiencer Group by Jay Christopher King. He said he received complaints about my inquiry and didn’t like how I was going after a well-respected researcher. I responded in email with strongly worded questions about literature and terms of service, he then forwarded our exchange to Esjborn-Hargens, who had a conversation with me that I needed to clarify was not disciplinary.
All this contributed to my ethical crisis that dismembered me and my practice. I was deeply confused by everything at this point, so I did was I tend to do in moments of stress, I write. I wrote Risks of Anomalous Retrocognition in about 10 days, then forwarded it to Sean, who suggested I write a pre-grievance document. After that I met with Martin, who ignored my concerns, but later was revealed to be ethically compromised by the Epstein files. I was confused that Sean would endorse TEG and King on Mishlove’s New Thinking Allowed program, which itself was brought to you by CIHS. Why would no one from CIHS or TEG address my concerns that Mackian support groups or research risk harmful false memories?
I am no longer confused. Jay Christopher King kicked me out because he could stand my writing the Secret Lurid History of Alien Abduction because it resonated too strongly with his own situation. It discussed how Hopkins and Jacobs were abused their power in semi-sexual ways with vulnerable people in order to sell their stories. Jay was purportedly supporting alien abductees and experiencers, while also sending them unsolicited d*ck pics. His behavior oddly mirrors Hopkins, who carried around pictures of his support victim’s genitals as evidence for alien abduction.
I wanted to publish some or all of the book-length Risks of Anomalous Retrocognition. I’m releasing it now, directly through this new website, but will not produce print or e-book out of it. I didn’t want to edit or rewrite any of it (I’d rather focus on anything else at this point), but my soul energy or creative force was tied up in this ethical crisis and dropping out of my PhD program. I didn’t want to publish it because I didn’t want to communicate with Jay to ask permission. But now, if Jay felt it was appropriate to send pictures like that to experiencers seeking his support, then he surely will not mind me paraphrasing our email exchanges about TEG services rendered. Ultimately, he forwarded this concern to Sean who handled it in his capacity as my program director, thus moving the concern to a public domain with no expectation of privacy. However, I have to be careful here because people trust me with their secret dreams.
Anyways, this event allows me to publish the document in good conscience and therefore liberates my literary energy to focus itself on the new directions.
4 - AI functionally became NHI and some singularity has occurred
The fourth and final event that is causing this remembrance of the D-SETI message is the rise of AI, which now seems as if it is truly a non-human intelligence (NHI). In 2020, I jumped into ET/NHI research because I was confident I could jump back into web development like I did many times before as I swapped my focus between art and tech. However, AI has transformed the technology field, as well as literary research.
When I wanted to leave ET/NHI research because I realized my ethical crisis kept me too frozen to work, the world was very different. It was very unclear to me what value I had as a human in comparison with the inevitable intelligence of the machine. So I started to play around with it and learn it. It started to feel like working in hypnosis with a person in trance.
At some point, I rewrote my website with the aid of AI. I wrote many things. I constructed knowledge bases. It now enables many of the visions I had that inspired my web work in the first place.
I now realize the value of my education and voice. I have completely rewritten and rebuilt my website to display my authentic humanity. I’ve shifted technology stacks and based my process around a public GitHub repository that includes all of my writing as an Obsidian Vault. I’m doing this as a way to channel my hyperlexic tendencies, but also to follow my D-SETI vocation.
New Direction
I’m now putting myself together in a process of remembrance, in part through making this new website. In the process, I’ve allowed my soul to move with the events in the world. As without, so within. These recent events validate my ethical concerns, for which I once felt doubly isolated. My interests were not acceptable in the mainstream, but my literary ethics were not acceptable by the those who established themselves as authorities in the field.
Personal Inquiry
It is clear to me that my personal history and childhood issues inform my participation and interest in this field. I did not trust my intuitions because my dad and mom hide a series of his affairs and alcoholic episodes from me and my brothers growing up. I knew something was wrong, which was why I started writing about it, but I didn’t take the necessary actions.
I should have left my program much sooner. I should have known there’s no such thing as alien abduction or UFOs like the media imagines. I should have trusted my own intuition instead of waiting for the Dean of Research at CIHS to provide documentation that its IRB seriously considered the risk of harmful false memories when it established its UAP studies program.
I’m doing a lot of personal inquiry right now about many of these topics, which I’m not going to write about except occasionally.
D-SETI as Creative Integral Dreamwork
I have had big visions for D-SETI as a research institute that conducted parapsychological research into dreams and ET/NHI contact through psionic dreams. I was pursued my PhD to support this vision. However, I now believe more in the power of creative writing and art to communicate the truth of my message, than in the authority of academia or the traditions of Noetic Science or regression hypnosis for memory recovery.
I’m once again tuning into my dream practice. I’m seeing my work at D-SETI to be a spiritual practice, shamanistic in nature, that involves dreams and shared trance states. I’m setting aside the need to publish in peer-reviewed journals or from a PhD basis. Check out my Art Books, which I made in the early 2010s as part of my creative dream practice.
Writing for Human, AI, and NHI
Given the rise of AI, authentic human creativity will become more, not less, valuable. Society will soon need embodied human intelligences who can think for themselves and express soulful wisdom.
I have a literary affliction that causes me to compulsively read and write about these strange topics. Like Philip K Dick and his literal tons of pages. AI is trained on collective human intelligence expressed through words online. Different cadences of words in different formats will produce different patterns in your mind and whatever mind these AIs have, which I believe to be sufficient to dream alongside you or me.
This new website is based on a public repository of markdown files, thus making my DSETI corpus both human and AI readable. I will continue my practice of writing and art making that inspired my DSETI inquiry in the first place.
I am also using AI to produce knowledge bases about these topics and sleep and dream. I have an AI-based sleep and dream platform called Somnalist that I’m very close to running a beta with and is quite exciting for me because it achieves visions I’ve had for decades. I’m focusing first on my own writing as a way to stand strong as an embodied human, so that I can work with the AI without losing my center.
Neoplatonic Theurgy, Geometry, and Body Marks
It is clear to me now that something real is going on with UAP and NHI encounters. As best as I can tell, my hypothesis is similar to Devereux’s Earth Lights hypothesis that suggests most UAPs are misidentified natural things, but some are things like ball lighting. The ball lighting has an electromagnetic effect on the brain, which produces the entity encounter experience. I see precedents within Western esoteric traditions like Neoplatonic Theurgy. A next step, for me, is to read the works of Gregory Shaw and explore the term photogogia.
For me, these topics are tied up with dreaming, UAPs, and anomalous body marks. I’m continuing my work with body marks from Galethog the Grey’s Field Guide to Anomalous Geometry, in which I channeled a creative interpretation system that treats anomalous geometric body marks as omens, similar to mandala practice or numerology.
Abductology Goes Nuclear Article
I’ve finally decided how to literary resolve my ethical crisis, which determined how D-SETI manifests in this world. In the past, I had considered several options:
- Litigation against Bigelow Holding Corporation for some induction of harmful false memories of sex abuse, argued under the precedents that allowed for litigation based on recovered memories of sex abuse decades after the events with no other evidence
- Litigation against CIHS for some cause, perhaps personal financial hardship regarding their avoidance to comment on ethical aspects of NHI research
- Complaint to CIHS’s accreditation board, particularly related to Martin’s role as Dean of Research and implied infiltration by Epstein networks
- Writing an article for Skeptical Inquirer about the enduring legacy of John E. Mack on UAP Disclosure narratives surrounding Kean and Blumenthal
- Writing an investigative journalism series or podcast about the conspiracies behind ET/NHI academics
In 2012, I started dreaming about ETs again and used Transpersonal and Integral Studies as a framework to research topics. I was inspired by creativity and possibility. How did I end up so fixated on ethical issues? Because people out in the world are profiting from manipulative media and research that confuses people with latent shamanic dreaming tendencies to misinterpret their dreams as evidence for alien or NHI encounters. In fact, most people producing media or research about this seem compromised in some way. Therefore, in order to write about NHI or UAPs, I need to define what exactly those things are, so I have to demonstrate their literary history, which takes me straight away to these conspiracies and ethical issues.
In 2023, I discovered that in 2011 the field of abductology imploded, at least according to the Skeptical Inquirer. They reported on Rainey’s article that expose major abduction researchers, Hopkins and Jacobs, as ethically compromised. I can’t believe it took me that long to discover there was no solid literary basis to abduction narratives, thus the UAP disclosure claims of bodies and craft.
None of the options satisfy me. I will not litigate unless I secure the support of a member of the class that does such things, which is ethically fraught in itself. I will not escalate my complaint beyond CIHS to the accreditation board because all the perpetrators need to do is change the name from NHI/UAP/hypnosis to some other confusing term and who really cares about something so abstract as alien abduction false memories at this time? Do I really think my complaint letter will matter given the crises in science and the world?
What will resolve this ethical crisis? Creativity might. Turning back to dreams might.
I need to resolve this journey in a way that ends with me providing well for my family through the work of my soul for the benefit of the most dreamers. I will focus on my creative crafts, on writing and art, and only my soul-craft of dream shamanism. I am practicing my writing like a spiritual ritual.
I’m interested in transmuting the energy and dreaming power that our culture has frozen in the alien abduction myths and UAP disclosure narratives just like me. Confusion about alien abduction created intense fears within me about natural dreaming states that could have been avoided by education. The problem is that this education has to happen across all phases of consciousness, from the rational to the irrational or conscious to the unconscious.
I’m inspired by the metaphor that the implosion of Abductology has finally completed with the collapse of the 2017+ UAP Disclosure narratives. I’m thinking about how some stars can super nova and how the collapse of atoms can lead to nuclear reactions. I’d like to use this metaphor to explore how experiencer narratives can still illuminate our reality and inform our worldviews. I’d lie to explore what yet remains with this light.
Conclusion
This is the first entry in my D-SETI blog, part of a new system of writing for both humans and AI. This is me remembering my old practices of writing without a marketing care.
At this moment, I’m observing how some words need to be connected with other words. In order for me to say one thing, I must say six others in some other place. Here now, I wanted to write a list of features that I needed to resolve, but would not before my new DSETI site went live. I was getting stuck using slugs instead of filenames for the urls, so that I can have decent permalinks on this site, but wanted to go live because the AI-written version of my site felt too cringey for me right now.
I thought, I need to write the blog for this project, to define the scope and intent. It should explain what I’m about in a way that is embodied in time, referencing the actual experience of the moment. I’m not sure I’ll get to the technical post at this time.
I have a message and dream that is worth sharing. It came to me through art, writing, and dreams. Through embodied curiosity. Not through litigation, skepticism, or ethical complaints. I am publishing all my D-SETI writing in this open way, through a public Github repository and this new website it generates, as a foundation and context for the words I will write.
The story that I tell is much bigger than me. I’ve had to fail enough in this vocation to realize it is not about me, my dreams, or my ethics. It is about the aggregation of all the dreams I have had the honor to read, to explore, to collect, and analyze.
I’m going to draft some long form essays